Hello little girl. It’s me. It’s still me. A lot of things might have changed over the last couple of months, but I am still the same person that I used to be. I still enjoy reading and spending time alone. I still don’t like radishes and turnips. I still talk to myself every now and then. I still like doing the laundry on weekdays. I still want to finish my Masters degree by 2011. I still want a job in an advertising agency. It’s still me.
I just lost one important person and I feel sad and tired almost every time everyday. I do try to find some things to smile about and to think of reasons why I should be productive. I should still read the books I am reading and I should still go to work because the job pays the bills. I should still speak my mind and not be contented with silence just because it’s easier. I should still live up to my principles and fulfill the dreams I have when that person was still with me.
It’s just so hard to wake up in the morning and feel the absence. There’s always that extra chair in every table and room I see. There will always be pictures and videos of her laughter, her stories, and her love. Sometimes, I would find her in the extra cup of hot chocolate which my Lolo prepares every morning. I would also find her in the rocking chair with extra pillows beside the radio which is always tuned in to their favorite AM station. There she would be in the many novenas under her pillow on the bed. She would also be in every news on TV. I can hear her reacting to almost every story, making me realize how the times have changed. She would also be in every chicharon and champoy I would eat for the rest of my life. I don’t feel bad in finding her everyday. I feel blessed to have been left with so many memories, pictures, and advices. She will always be more than enough because she has always given more than enough.
I love her so much that the very idea of her not being around just kills me every time I remember that she’s gone. I am so scared of forgetting her. Please don’t make me forget because the memories are all that I have.
